What is This? A Hetalian FMA?
by 123RANDOMxPANIC
Summary: Hey! My authors note is inside and jazz. Anyways, this has swearing, slight failed violence, some crack none or a lot, depends on who's reading , an inexperienced writer from America, and OC's. Anyways, constructive critique is welcome, and flames will be used to keep me warm. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Introduction for: What is this? A Hetalian FMA?

_A/N_

_Hello, this is my first fanfiction that I actually planned out and wrote down on paper, and my first one on this site, so I hope you like it~_

_Disclaimer: I do __**not**_ _own_ Hetalia _or_ Full Metal Alchemist _or any references to other anime, songs, or anything else. I only own any one of my OC's that will appear, and, really, it's only one. Thank you and enjoy._

All the nations were just having another- quote, unquote- meeting. As usual, America was being loud, obnoxious, and basically pissing everyone off. France was being a pervert, England was smacking them both upside the head, the Italy's and Greece were sleeping, Russia and Belarus were terrifying the Baltic nations, Canada was being ignored, Switzerland was threatening to hit people with his peace-prize, and Germany was trying to take control of the meeting.

" That's it, you damn French wanker! You've crossed the line!" shouted England, taking out his book of spells. "_Onhonhon, _is _Angleterre_ going to fail at his so-called magic again?~" France taunted. Turning red in the face out of anger at 1) hearing that his magic was suckish and 2) being poked in the face by America (again).

Mumbling all this Latin crap under his breath, there was a huge flash of light and all the nations disappeared.

Central

"So, what's your plan, brother?" Alphonse asked his short older brother Edward. " I told you, a fist in h-" Edward started to reply. Then there was this huge boom like thunder and all these people appeared in front of the two Elrics. "How…?"

Then America popped up, laughing his alleged hero laugh. "Dude, that was like, so totally awesome! Can we do it again?"

And everyone face-palmed.

_Do you like? Love? Dislike? Hate? Review, please!_

_I actually didn't plan out the introduction, only the first chapter. Then I realized that it wouldn't make sense if the Hetalia characters just happened to be in Central, so here is the half-assed intro!~ _

_I would like to thank Bri Nara for inspiring me, even when she didn't know she was. I love her crack fics, so I thought I'd give you guys the links to my favorite stories by her:_

_ s/6339715/1/Its_ba_b_bsmall_b_bworld_b_bafter_b_all_

_ s/7375054/1/A_Narniatalia_Crack_Fic_

_ s/7075366/1/How_Pirates_vs_Ninja_started#_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1: Panic Hath Risen… or Fallen

_Hey! I'd like to thank my first 2 reviewers _D. 01_ and _Sylene Bloodrose_ because I honestly thought it's be at least 2 weeks before someone reviewed on my story (and I'm a dork, derp derp). I'm also glad because of all the views I already got… Crap, I'm becoming sentimental and shiz XDD._

_My friends was supposed to come over today, but she didn't make it, and my church thing is later this evening, so I decided to post the nest chapter~ All in all, hope you enjoy, and don't be afraid to correct me on something, because I'll appreciate the help. Here's the chapter where the OC comes in, just so you all know._

**My-not-very-original-line-break~ (A/N Oh, and since my computers an ass, only these bold letter things are the page breaks)**

I was just sitting in my room, switching between reading Hetalia and watching FullMetal Alchemist. The date was March 13, 2013, at about 3:28 in the morning. Normally, I'd be asleep, or at least pretending I was, but I was completely alone in the house. My parents were out visiting one of my sisters in college and my other sister was at a friends house for the night. I, the almost-13-year-old child, wasn't anywhere else because I have a very bad chest cold (… and a head cold, how does that work?) and am currently unable to travel…

And, besides, later this morning, a babysitter type person would be coming over to make sure I was comfortable and crap. I think her name's Cassandra. I look at the clock.

3:30. And it was raining... shit, now I _have_ to sleep.

Shoving my iPod into my pants pocket after selecting a play-list to fall asleep to (I had gone to the doctors before my parents left to Colorado and hadn't felt like changing back into my pajamas- or even kicking off my shoes, for that matter. I fell asleep hugging my plush dog. She's like a security blanket, only cooler), I turned off my light, put an ear bud into one ear so I could listen to the rain with the other, and hugged my dog.

It was now 3:33 in the morning.

I started to drift off and thought I could see the beginnings of a dream when I was suddenly engulfed in light. It was like drifting on clouds. Next came a plummeting feeling, a loud crash, and pain. Then there was nothing.

**Unoriginal line break**

I grumbled and moaned and sat up. I was on the ground a league or so beyond the outskirts of a dark city…

It was Central.

_Holy **shiz.**_

Slowly, I stood up, checking to see if I had any injuries. None, but I was incredibly sore… And I had my charger in one of my pockets. No _wonder_ my leg felt more sore than the rest of me.

Checking to make sure I still had my iPod and Rosemary (my dog), I gingerly started to walk towards Central.

**A few hours later**

Looking up from my feet that I had been string at for the past hour or two and towards the horizon, I saw the sun starting peaking up from behind some hills, staining Central beautiful hues of gold, orange, and pink. It was truly breath taking.

I took out my iPod and took a picture… I _totally _ruined the moment, didn't I?

Selecting a different track (Skillet) I continued to walk… and walk… and walk…

**In Central Tra la la~**

I groaned. My feet hurt, my iPod was almost out of juice, I was hungry, and I think my cold got worse. I sneezed into my elbow and gave a harsh cough, a few people looking at me piteously. Assholes, I'm not going to die… not today, anyways.

I suddenly hear a rather arrogant American voice and my head whips around so fast my neck cricks a bit.

_**America.**_

What the _hell_ was _he_ doing here… along with the rest of the Allies and the Axis (along with Hungary, Prussia, Canada, Romano, Spain and other countries I don't feel like naming)?

…

Okay, honestly, I don't care right now, I just want to get to the hospital and sleep because I felt like I was just run over my a truck that exploded and I flew to the moon only to get raped by aliens then sent back down to earth on a fire work rocket thing where I got attacked by a bunch of rabid wolves that dismembered my, only to have an inexperienced surgeon sew me back together crudely.

…

…Fine, over exaggeration by a lot, but I felt _really_ terrible, got it?

Anyways, I gulped, feeling slightly out of place in my baggy black cargo pants, combat boots, lavender choker with a skull and cross bones, dark green tank top and grey, green, and purple striped knee-length jacket while they were all in their regular suits. Oh, and my black horn-rimmed glasses on a skull chain around my neck.

Timidly (I was never great at meeting new people), I walked over, fiddling with my mahogany locks. "Um, excuse me…" I said quietly. Nothing. I raised my voice a little. "A moment of your time…" Nada. I was starting to get irritated. You do _**not **_ want a crazy, pyromaniac, sadistic, hormonal (almost) teenage girl on your hands.

Forgetting all niceties, I yelled at them: "Hey, oblivious assholes! A damn moment of your fucking time, alright?!" Several mothers in the vicinity covered their children's ears, glaring at me. I flipped them the bird.

"Dude, dude! No need to get pissy!" exclaimed America. "I'll get as pissy as need be, hamburger-humping wanker!" "… You British?" "No, I'm damn American, git!" "You're _sure_, dude?" "As sure as you're a capitalist and a pig, yeah." "…" "I win, hoser!"

I was grinning victoriously when a coughing fit started. Rosemary in front of my face, blocking my coughs, it went on for several minutes and brought tears to my eyes, it was so harsh. "… Hospital?" I asked hoarsely. "Oh, of course, dear!" exclaimed Hungary, "You look terrible!" "What's your name, anyways?" asked Prussia.

"P…Panic…"

**The end of the chapter~**

_Hey, sorry if it got OOC, I'm not used to writing for these guys. Review, please! They make me write faster, plus they're love!_


	3. Chapter 3

What is This? A Hetalian FMA? Chapter 2

A/N _Oh. Mai. GLOB. You guys, I'm sorry for not updating in MONTHS. Middle school is drinking my soul. DANG YOU, LANGUAGE ARTS TEACHER. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO TEACH MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT. MOOO YOU, SIR. MOO YOU. I'm no longer a smexy beast. Well, enjoy the (very) long-awaited chapter of __** What is this? A Hetalian FMA?**_

_**X0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0X**_

_Ow, Jesus PENIS, my head hurts… And so does everything else. Where am I? What am I laying on? What's for eating? Man, I'm starved… But I'm tired, too. I think I'll go back to sleep… Who the hell's yelling at me?! Son of a… _I open my eyes angrily. "Who the niz- Ahhh- ow, my head! " I yelp, sitting up to quickly, seeing dots. "Hey, she's awake , dudes!" yells the person next to me. "Shut up, damnit! My head hurts!" I yell at America in a throaty voice. "Ow… My throat…"

A doctor walks in, pushing up his glasses. "How do you feel?" the doctor asks. "Like crap," I reply quietly. As he gets out the machine to take my heart rate, I look at America. "Listen, man… I'm sorry about earlier. Y'know, when I first met you guys. I was a real bitch. So… I'm sorry." America just blinks before giving me a bajillion watt smile. "It's okay! I mean, none of the stuff you said was true, because I'm the hero!" I smile back shyly and give the doctor my arm. As he strapped the thing around my arm, I asked the nation next to me a question. "Hey, have you seen my iPod? I just realized it's not here…" America, then, produced my gray-cased iPod from his pocket, along with my green ear-buds. I quickly shove it in my pocket.

I smile and stay still as the doctor (Who's lab coat read _Jinkins_) starts up the machine. After about a minute, Dr. Jinkins takes off the strap thing and sticks a thermometer into my mouth and takes it out after about 2 minutes. He then shines a light into my eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. " Well," he says in his deep baritone, "You seem to be in better shape than when you came in yesterday. You're free to go, just take it easy for awhile, nothing to taxing." "Okay, thank you." "Oh, and be sure to drink plenty of water and take this medication-" he starts scribbling down my new prescription onto a pad of paper "- three times a day; with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 2-3 pills each time." "Again, thank you." I reply. "But what about my hospital expenses?" "Oh, a kind young man paid for them already." "Who?" "Oh, why the Full Metal. For some reason, he was very worried about you." I blush slightly and take the paper Dr. Jinkins hands to me. "Okay, well… I guess I'll see you around, Doc." I wave and walk unsteadily out of the room until America catches up and hands me my glasses.

"Thanks… I seem to be saying that a lot today," I say, chuckling lightly. He laughs, as well, and helps me down the stairs and to the medication counter. After handing the nurse my paper, I wait quietly, occasionally poking America in side or stomach, after which he would squeal lightly and poke me back. When the nurse gives me my pills, I quietly thank her and walk outside the hospital, America's hand on my shoulder. Up ahead, I see the rest of the Allies, along with Canada, who was holding Kumajiro. _Dat bear… _I think to myself, chuckling. America doesn't notice and runs to them, nearly knocking me over. Following slowly, I look at all the nations before me shyly, hair hiding most of my face. "… Hi. My name's Panic." I say, holding out my right hand shake. No one takes it. _Okay, well… this is awkward._ Putting my hand up to my hair, the fingers twirl and fiddle with my dark hair.

We all just stand there awkwardly, the wind blowing by. Putting my pills in a pocket, I desperately try to brush my hair with them. All of a sudden, France is attacking my tangled hair with a brush that sprouted from nowhere. "You, _ma cherie, _have very nice hair." "Uh… thanks?" People don't usually pay me much attention at home. I don't talk to much at school, and everyone thinks I'm scary and intimidating. With my one friend, we would joke that I'm Russia and she's Belarus, it was pretty fun. But, about a week ago, she disappeared. I've started to think she got taken by the SlenderMan. Christ, I hope she's okay… Blinking, I realize that I've been zoned out for about three minutes, and they were all staring at me. "U-um… Yes?"

"We asked you if you like to go get some food~" replied Russia. "Yeah, you went all spacey, to, bro!" shouts America. "Oh, sorry… I was thinking of my friend. She disappeared a week ago and I haven't been able to contact her whatsoever. And, yes, I would like to go get some food." I smile lightly and fiddle with my hair… again. Talk about habit. I feel a bit like Near from Death Note… I was zoning out again and got lost. What got me out of my reverie was bumping into a large, metal chest and falling on my butt. "Ow, sorry about that," I say standing up. "It's okay," says a familiar, lightly-echoing voice. Looking up at the person I had run into, my mouth dropped open. It was Alphonse Elric, metal suit and all. "Oh my gosh…" I whisper. "You're Alphonse Elric, brother of the FullMetal Alchemist!" "A-ah… yes, I am. Who are you?" "My friend calls me Panic, so call me that." I smile up at him. "Where's yo-" "Al! There you are! Do you know how worried I've been? It's pretty hard to lose a gigantic suit of armor, you know!" "So, you're the FullMetal? Huh, everyone says you're shorter than you really are. They fail."

Suddenly, a hand grabs my ear and starts dragging me away. "You, young lady, are in trouble! Do you know how worried we were? And you just getting out of the hospital!" It was England, being the mother hen he was. "Ow! Let go of my ear, dangit! This is no way to treat a child! Letgoletgoletgo! Ow!" And so I was dragged through the streets of Central by my ear my by England.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

_**Well, that's the end of this chapter! I hope you enjoyed these 1k+ words of random! Again, I'm sorry it took me 5 months…**_


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